This doesn't surprise me, and I'm not sure it is blog-worthy, but here goes. Last summer when I was in the midst of all of the cancer stuff, being diagnosed, undergoing chemo etc, I was real fucked up emotionally and my feelings were all over the place. I had that incident with the woman I worked with (which I think is still not common knowledge) and I also talked to too many people about what I was going through, both physically and mentally. I sort of let it all hang out. I know I made some people real uncomfortable by sharing so much. I gained some friends and I lost some too. I don't blame them, I don't blame me. I've learned (I think) from that experience. The other day, I heard from a friend about something I had told someone last summer in confidence. I don't remember making them swear on a bible or anything, but it was a sensitive, potentially embarassing thing that I wouldn't want to be common office gossip. It appears it did become that for a little while. My friend at work I trust like very few people I have ever met and I know she didn't say this to hurt my feelings or anything like that and I was glad she mentioned it to me becaue now I know that you really have to becareful who you tell what to. I gossip probably as much as the next person, but if someone tells me something in confidence, I keep it that way. That's how I am, not everyone is like that. At least I know why I get funny looks now ;-)
PS -Off to family function, I still have incredible cramping - I fucking hate this but it should be better tonight or tomorrow. Back in on Monday for the single dose which isnt' too bad...
Have a great weekend everyone
5 comments:
Hi Philly,
I'm sorry you were surrounded by what sounds like shallow assholes during something so painful emotionally and physically.
I think sometimes people don't know what to do when they see others going through something so unfathomable, things that they'd rather not want to believe exist or think about too much. People also snap-judge so quickly nowadays without having all of the information.
As for me, I'm not much of a gossip, never have been, which explains a lot of my lack of "fitting in" in some circles, particularly with women. I've seen it ruin reputations and marriages, gossip.
Hard times help you to find out who your real friends are and remember, if they can't deal with your pain and discomfort, it's something lacking within themselves that keeps them from being able to do so. Perhaps you shared "too much", perhaps you didn't, but wanting to reach out to other people and connect during such a difficult time, no one can fault you for.
But we'll let them learn their own lessons in time and we'll worry about our own, right? :)
And learning is a lot like grief, it's a process. We think we've learned a lesson, but we somehow "lose awareness" and repeat the mistake. All that means is we have a basic need (not a want, an actual need) that is not getting fulfilled at the time...and we just have to make better choices about people/things that can fill that need...not "shame" ourselves for feeling so needy.
In the end, who gaves a f*ck what they think, they haven't been through it, right? People with true characters who allow others to make mistakes as much as they do themselves will understand...and in my book, those people are the only ones I would care about.:)
Have a relaxing, fun weekend and I'll be praying for ya on Monday, hugs to ya. :)
Southern, very well put. It's not fair of me to expect people to react or behave as I might behave. I do know now that the real friends I have (at work and away) are truely my friends and do not judge me. It's a comforting feeling to have. The bottom line, like you said, is who cares what the f*ck they think. I hope they never get in a position like I am. This Monday should be a 'good' one. I still feel like I have to pass a Buick through my ass right now. Sorry for any image that may have conjured up, I should save it for my ghost story.
I think I know what it's like to give birth now...
There's a Greek saying that goes it's better to lose your eye than your reputation. It's part of the reason my mom's stayed in a terrible marriage for so long, so that the folks at church don't talk. Pathetic, eh?
Chloe, My Mom is Irish and catholic (surprise). She took a header down her stairs a month or so ago. She was afraid to use a cane and to be seen at church. WTF???
Ahhh, Mom's. Can't be born without them
So true, Phil! You always make me laugh. Hope your mom's doing better!
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