Hmmmm

Out of hiding, let's see if anyone stops by. I have for the most part been doing ok so I have not had the need to blog about the cancer as much. I just had a scan and I am down to one small tumor in my lungs. In June of 05 I had 9 of them. There still is a some mind fuck going on but not as bad as it was. Also, there is that whole thing with the work woman who hates me. That had a ring to it, doesn't it? She wants nothing to do with me, I was how I was, I don't think it warrants her behavior but who the fuck am I to judge anything. I know someone who keeps trying to be in contact with me who I really don't wish to continue the friendship with for a variety of reasons that are not really that important so I won't go into it here. I finally get it I think, so that is/was a big thing for me to realize. Now there is another one who is putting up boundaries which is fine. I need to be aware of these more often and sooner I see. I tend to blab too much to everybody and not everybody is interested.

Been a while

I haven't posted in a while, things have been pretty good. I'm not very good today though. I had two big glasses of wine before plus a few percocets. I have a scan coming up at the end of the week and I'm pretty nervous about it. I always get nervous with them, it's a gauge as to how I'm doing so it makes sense. I really feel like I"m pissing off people lately though and I'm also getting too involved with people and what is going on in their lives. I should back off. My SIL is having a breakdown of sorts and while I want to be supportive of her, I feel like I'm getting too involved in a not so healthy way with her. She is determined to NOT go on any drugs to control her anxiety, meanwhile she can't leave the house and has to have adults around her almost constantly. I think by going over there I am enabling her to continue her behavior. I don't get the big deal with taking medication since she needs it, but if she wants to live her live like that it's her business.
Also, I had gotten an email from someone who has some issues to say the least. She was claiming to want closure for herself which basically meant her listing a bunch of people and telling me what is wrong with them. She laid into me too again, I helped her out when she was in the dumps. If I only knew then...anyway, I read her email and deleted it and really put it out of my mind. I will not write her again. I'm done. I hope she gets her life together (or not) I really don't give a fuck at this point. I also find that I'm giving a shit what other people do and who they visit on the blogs and I shouldn't care. It's not my life. I don't even know these people. They can do whatever they want and that's ok, they don't need me to do anything for them. I think since I'm in such a state of being fucked up, I try to find people I can help so it takes my mind off of my shit. Maybe, maybe not, I really don't know. There are a bunch of people I work with who don't seem to want anything to do with me. It could be my imagination (or not). I just want to try to do things that are going to please me. I need to take care of me.
This sucks, I'm getting tired of it. I'll probably get good news next week and all of this will seem silly for another 2 months until I go for my next scan, then I will repeat this again. I'm so fucking predictable.