A Few Days Left...

So here's my scars and the inside of me showing my pump. I have finished the treatments as far as the pump goes, but that will stay inside of me for another 4 years or so. I never in a million years thought that I would go under the knife for anything. I've always been on the healthy side. I did smoke cigarettes and a ton of pot in my day, but I also used to do a lot of bike riding. I took two big trips up through NY state, each one about 700 miles round trip. I was a big tennis player too. One thing leads to another and you get married and have kids and the exercise slows down. Still, I always managed to get out hiking or something. Two summers ago I discovered kayaking and went 81 days in a row to prepare for my first surgery. Now, I kind of don't know what to do to prepare. I'm not going to be kayaking now. I will squeak in a day or two before Monday, but the surgery will put an end to that for the time being. It will be a good incentive to get better fast. I love being out on the lake. Now, I'm just trying to immerse myself in work and taking percocets like M&Ms. I want to just mellow out for now or else I'll be a nutcase. I'm getting an I-Pod today too, the 2 gig Nano. I decided to treat myself. I talked to Dana and without hesitation she said 'go for it'. She's a great person, wife, lover (bad cook). You can't have everything can you? Why do I still get strong feelings for other women? I think a lot of it comes from the situation that I am in, other times I just think I'm an idiot. Being faced with cancer does make one do odd things and look at other things in a different light. I started to think last night while trying to get to sleep how they are going to be cutting me in my ribs (4-5 inch cut) then spreading the ribs and going in and removing all of these lymph nodes and cutting out the last tumor. I never realized we had so many 'spare' parts in us that are really not needed. I tend to think we do need them, but they are defective now so they are no good to me. I don't know what to expect with losing more lymph nodes. I think they are important for the immune system, but I've been sick only once or twice in teh pst two years so go figure. I must get back to work now. I do hope to maybe do a video post before all of this happens.

One thing that sucks that I've come to realize is that I don't think I will ever be 'cured' of cancer. I used to think I would be. Now I think it will be a chronic condition that I will have to manage. Not too bad, It could be worse.
-p