Wednesday, April 05, 2006
# 61 and a CT Scan
I had chemo #61 this past Monday, plus I had a CT scan yesterday (Tuesday). I really just feel like crying today. I don't expect bad news next week, I am hoping for the status quo or a slight improvement meaning further shrinking of the final tumor in my lung. Of course I would love to hear that the final one is gone then maybe I can stop chemo in 6 months. I often can't believe how many rounds I've had and how well I have held up. I didn't think I had it in me although my kids are a big motivator for me. I have to go meeet with some prople from a local library this morning, I do freelance work on the side and I have been blowing everyone off lately so now it's time to knock that shit off and get back to business. On another chemo note, my big toe is acting up again. I do see the Doc next Monday (after I get my results back) so I'm sure she will cut up my nail again with no numbing it as usual. I'm also amazed at how much pain I can endure. I'm past the two year mark with my diagnosis but I've really about had it. I went out with my brother last night when I was done with my scan. We went to the All State Cafe again (where the woman from Looking For Mr Goodbar was murdered) they do have great burgers and I had 2 pints of their own ale. I'm really not supposed to drink but I feel like 'Fuck It' at this point. I need to reward myself. Well let me compose myself and not cry (at least while I'm working) and also see what side effects I get hit with. So far, so good although I thought I was going to barf last night. I did take a hit off the joint so maybe that helped? I can't do that here, I need extra brain cells lately.
1 comment:
Hey Phil!
Yeah! #61 is over..one more down is always a good thing. I pray that your side effects are minimal and easily controlled.
It's great that you talk to your therapist about everything. It's not as easy as some may think ;)
I can't imagine how long your two years have been. I'm thankful you have your family as a support system. It's so great for you to be involved in your children's lives...having to concentrate so much on your health, it gives you something else to focus your attention on. And the love they give in return is delightful!
I'm also glad that you felt like going to the library this morning to get back involved in your work :)
I hope that right now, you don't feel like crying...but if and when you do feel like it, wail, scream and cry until you get it all out!
Then thank God that you have today regardless of what happens tomorrow.
Know that I'm thinking of you,
Kayla
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