Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Here it is, 10:30 pm. I can set my watch to the symptoms I get from this chemo. It happens about 1 pm on Wednesdays. I start to cramp, real bad. The pills I get seem to help a little but it still makes me lose focus at work. I can't believe that I work 4 full days every week. I'm loaded up with chemo and I'm fucking working (or trying to) I think one of the worst things about the chemo is how I just want to cry a lot. The physical pain is no picnic, but the emotional stress is very tough to handle at times. I can't just take 3 days off every other week, even if I did, what would I wind up doing. I really don't want to just be home, I can't go swimming anymore, too cold. I told my older son that I was staying at my brother's tomorrow night because I am getting the scan. He asked me if I thought I'd be done with the chemo. I told him I think I'll have to do some more. I just wanted to cry. I feel so fucking alone!
10 comments:
What time is the scan, babe? Write me before you go, k? Not too much longer....and maybe you should chill out on work and just relax a bit? I know you like to stay busy, but if it's causing you MORE stress right now, maybe find other ways to occupy your time...and you need more rest, you're not getting a lot of rest.
Dana keeps telling me to take time off too. I'll feel better once I know what the next step is going to be. 'It's the waiting that's the hardest part'
Working or staying at home… it sounds like a real dilemma. Whatever you choose they both have pro’s and cons. Working can come with stress but I also provides you with a diversion. Staying at home can be boring and depressing if you have nothing to do, but you would have more time to relax and rest. Couldn’t you work half day’s?
Or is that just another weird Dutch thing? ;-)
We're thinking of you Phil. I'm so glad you can come here and write how you are really feeling. The work thing... I'm with Dakota. On the one hand I feel like 4 days a week is just way too much to ask of yourself right now, and on the other hand, is it a good diversion?
You know your body best. Would it help if you could rest more? The double whammy of stress and pain must be so hard.
We're here. We may be virtual, but you can't have everything. ;)
Hugs,
Heather and Monkey and Monkey's family
Right now it's a good diversion. I missed like 3 months last year with the operation and I don't know at this time if I have another operation coming up. If I do, I was told it would not be nearly as bad as the first two were. It's a wait and see game right now. Regardless of what path I take in treatment after next Monday, I'm going to take a day here and there to relax or go in to a museum with Dana (or take a cooking class together at Home Depot).
You ladies are the best, thank you all for your support.
Big hugs, Phil.
paula
Dear Phil,
I am off to write you an email.
Loving slurps,
Mo
you are never alone....
zgtee
I called in sick to the station tonight after working a freelance job 8-3....for CRAMPS!! boy, do I feel like a loser....hehee
LOL Jlee!
Phil I am always here for you! You are such a hero to me. I know I keep saying that but it is so true!
I have a little gift for your dry skin if your wife won't mind I would like to send it!
Drop me an email. The addy is on my profile!
My little girl will be saying a prayer for you when we kneel for family prayers this evening!
Take it easy and go for a drive to see the Fall Leaves. That would be a nice idea to get away from it all!
Ciao!-Molly
Post a Comment