# 63 The Rash is Back

I have the second one of this hopefully final round of chemo in the morning. I just did a guestimate with how many more I'd have. It was 6 months so that's 26, If this holds true I will have 24 more after this one. My skin had gotten pretty bad. This first picture wasn't even when it was that bad. I think I look more pained because I seem to have a kayak inserted into my head.



This other picture was taken maybe a 3-4 weeks ago while I was home recovering from lung surgery. My skin was noticably better. That is the real bummer about the Erbitux. It wreaks havoc with the skin and nails. My rash is starting again already. It's getting bad on my face and torso. I do have some creams to put on and I guess it helps somewhat. I have heard too that many people have it worse than I had it. I'll be happy if I get the same reaction this time. I still can't get over how I've had 62 chemos and still have hair.

An interesting thing is how people perceive me with the rash. I don't always notice it because it's on MY face, I don't have to look at me. The rest of you do. I've had people stare and walk around me like I have leporsy or something then others pay me no nevermind (whatever the hell that saying means). I find if I act natually, most people don't make a big deal out of it. None the less, it's a discomfort to say the least and it looks creepy but this is a wonder drug that is saving my life. I have been fortunate that two new drugs came out for the treatment of colon cancer in the past 2 1/2 years. I've had both of them. Some people's insurance companies won't cover the cost (about $17,000 a pop) so they are either having to pay for it themselves, or seek another treatment. That's another thing to be grateful for.

My sister in law's friend has a sister who was recently diagnosed with colon cancer. I don't know what stage she is at but she did have colon surgery first and now this week she is getting a port for administering chemo put in and she starts chemo this week too. She kind of wants to talk to me and I was like sure, of course. I'm rather up front with all of this and anyone who is in the same or a similar boat I am more than happy to speak with. I had called one guy in the city who's wife was having a pump put in too. We spoke for about an hour about what she could expect from it and how it feels and all of that. This new person though is very shy about talking about it it seems. She wanted to know (or had heard) that I have a blog. Now, no one (with the exception of a co-worker who I trust) has read my blog. My wife knows I have one, but she never demanded or even asked to see it and I never offered to let her. She knows it's like a journal and respects that. But, I do have two blogs and I have written some things that may not be bad or false, they might cause me some problems shall we say if the wrong people read them so I don't want to let this woman see the blog because it could get back to my SIL, then to my wife, then I'd have to eat a meal that she cooked for me and I'd be a dead duck. So I offered to contact her by email if that makes her more comfortable. I do hope she writes me but I'm not going to lose sleep over it by any means. I do find it helpful to talk to others who are going through what I am because they can relate to the puking, depression, anxiety and all of the other fun things about chemo and cancer. It's almost midnight. I'm still kind of wound up. I have to get up at around 5 am, then leave for the city by 5:40 so I can be on the East Side by 7:15. I do have only the single dose tomorrow so I should not have too many stomach issues and I can get out of there by 10 am and off to work
(I hope)
I didn't realize I had so much to say tonight...