It's chemo day again. Number 59 in a series of who the fuck knows how many. Probably another 50 or so? There is a new woman at reception here. Last week she screwed everything up by not bringing my paperwork back to the lab, and this week she is starting to screw it up again. I miss Leigh. She was always very nice to everyone and things never fell through the cracks like what is happening with this person. I think I had to have another blood test that was not needed. Yeah, stick me again with a fucking needle. Anyway, I'm not sure what is going to be my side effect today. It's either going to be the runs or the no-runs. Time will tell, I'll know by Tuesday night. I had started to visit this guys blog deadin90.blogspot.com. He claims to have cancer and he will die in 90 days. He is planning on commiting suicide. At first I thought maybe it was real but the more I read his blog, the less it made sense. He did not sound like someone with cancer adn he will not tell what kind he has because he thinks he can be tracked by that. Plus he claims to be a cop too adn he just seem like he is. I called him on it and he seems to be pissed. I did a search on him and some other people seem to think he's a phoney too. Today I couldn't find his blog. Maybe times up? I think not.
I took a kayak ride yesterday, the last day of winter. It was great. A little cold but fun anyway. Well it should be chemo time soon.
5 comments:
Hi Phil,
I am floored by your honesty and candor regarding physical and emotional aspects of surviving cancer. I'm certain you have helped alot of others who are dealing with cancer. It's always good to know you're not alone, isn't it?
My father had colon and liver cancer. He had a large segment of his colon removed, and his liver resected. He lived 16 years when they had given him 6 months. Just goes to show the docs don't have the final say! He died in 1994 and was proud that it was not cancer related.
Thanks for sharing your story with me. Feel free to email me when you feel so inspired ;)
Hi Kayla, thanks for visiting and for your kind words. I'm sorry you lost your Dad. I had lost mine in 1989 to a stroke (which is how I figured I'd go)
There is some comfort with knowing there are others in the same boat as I am, they may be on a different journey but it's a similar ride. 16 years is a good amount of time, I think I'd sign up for that in an instant. 5 year survival for Stage IV colon cancer (like I have) is considered rare but that is the old data. I'm part of a a group that is using new therapies and I hope to rewrite the statistics. I will say that today, I feel like dying. My side effects were consistant over the past 2 years, then over the last month or so they changed on me. Now they are back but I didn't prepare like I had been doing so I feel like I'm trying to pass a bowling ball out of my ass (a pleasant thought). The cramping is very intense today as it was yesterday too. It's going to be a 5 percocet day for sure
Bless your heart, Phil...I'd think 5 percocet wouldn't be enough to pass a bowling ball! ;)
It's fantastic to have a sense of humor about it, however. May as well try to laugh istead of cry.
I believe and pray for you that you will rewrite the statistics of survival with the new therapies. You are dealing with so much, I suppose the only way to get through is one day at a time.
I'm sorry you lost your dad. I suppose your mom is still living?
I was glad to read you have your brother and his family in your support system.
Actually the percocets aren't for making me pass anything, they just make it so I don't care as much. Yes, my Mom is still around. She's 86 and doing well, no major health issues. She did take a header down the cellar stairs last summer and broke her wrist but she bounced back (see post)
I have an older sister too and my brother. I'm the baby. Everyone has been incredibly supportive as is my wife Dana. It's not terribly easy on her either but I feel better me being sick than her.
Haha..sorry..I wasn't clear :) I meant 5 percocet wasn't enough to kill the pain of feeling like you're trying to pass a bowling ball. I know how the narcotics (paricularly the opioid types)clog the system.
I have 2 older brothers as well as the older sister. Like you, I am the baby. Both brothers and their families live here in Alabama. We all live within 30 minutes of each other, actually. Quite nice.
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