A Much Needed Break

I just had a scan and I still have that tumor in my right lung. The good news is that is hasn't changed in size, if anything it got a tiny bit smaller. I'm so feed up with treatments and the side effects that my Onc gave me 2 months off of chemo. It's going to take another week or two to purge the poisons out of my system but I am finally feeling that my fingers are healing and some of the skin issues are getting better. The mind fuck is still going on. I think that when I start up with chemo I will seek some counseling at SK. I do see a therapist who is wonderful and has been very helpful with the cancer at times and other issues. I do feel that Dana does not often understand what it is that I am going through at all. She tries to get it but she does not. It frustrates the hell out of both of us I guess to be fair to her. I really just want to bitch about how "my wife doesn't understand me" but I don't understand me either. Well this is certainly taking a different direction than I originally planned. I do see from the old site meter that there are a few people who visit. I know one is TuxBaby (Hi Tux :-) and the other is a WebTV person who I'm not sure who it is.

So what I had wanted to say is how I really need to start to handle my life better and find a better lifestyle for dealing with the cancer. I need to meditate, not medicate. This is getting close to 4 years now. My new normal is a hard one to accept. I am lucky in some ways, I certainly could be dead and I'm not. My quality of life could be much worse. I am in constant pain/discomfort though, I wish I wasn't but between surgical scars and chemo side effects it's the way it is. Well, it's snowing/sleeting/raining/hailing outside. I just saw a car flipped over.

What a fucking life at times....