It was so difficult to get started with chemo after my April 24th surgery. I loved having 7 weeks off from it even if they did cut an 8 inch gash in my side. Vacation was kind of interesting in that regard. I got quite a few stares in the beach. At first I was thinking I would wear t-shirts on the beach to cover myself and not show my scars. When I got there I said fuck it and didn't cover them. The only thing more disgusting would have been if I wore a Speedo I think. Maybe it was my imagination too, they could have been staring at my belly since it's gotten larger. Partly because I put on weight and partly because I herniated my abdoman after my first operation so it's a little more chunky than it should be. OK, I'm fat. Well I got off topic. I'm supposed to be bummed out. Well that's what 6 percocets in a day will do to ya I guess. I did just come back inside from swimming with Griffin. I had to close the pool for the night. I always cover it with the solar cover to keep the warmth in the pool. the air is about 67 and the water is 85 still. We saw the moon rising and plenty of stars. It's a very crisp night. We also both skinny dipped. It was Griffin's first time. It really is a wonderful feeling swimming naked. I doubt I'd ever go to a nudie beach but I have no problem with swimming that way in my own pool. So I started this post complaining and wound up naked in my pool. Not bad, I hope tomorrow is as good...Tuesday, August 08, 2006
aches and pains and being naked
I'm in a major funk. I ache from head to toe lately, part of it is the cancer, part of it is a bad back. I finally took a vacation two weeks ago and all of the sitting in the car made my back act up again. I was rolling up the pool cover last Monday and I felt my back go. The pain got worse so I went back to my chiropractor. I'm starting to feel some relief but it surely is taking it's time. I have to take two percocets just so I don't ache in the morning. My skin is getting bad again with split fingers on my hands and cracked heels on my feet. My left toe, the one that's been trouble, is getting worse again. I had done a round of antibiotics two weeks ago to stave off an infection that was starting. It keeps happening to the same toe and if I bump it, it hurts. It even hurts putting a sock on it. It will probably recover when I finally get off of the chemo in 14 weeks or so. That will hopefully be it but with this shit you never know. I will have done about 90 treatments by the time it's over. I can't believe it. Now it's been about 2 1/2 years too that I've been dealing with cancer. It feels like forever. It's hard to remember not having to do chemo. I'm really quite bummed about all of this. 
It was so difficult to get started with chemo after my April 24th surgery. I loved having 7 weeks off from it even if they did cut an 8 inch gash in my side. Vacation was kind of interesting in that regard. I got quite a few stares in the beach. At first I was thinking I would wear t-shirts on the beach to cover myself and not show my scars. When I got there I said fuck it and didn't cover them. The only thing more disgusting would have been if I wore a Speedo I think. Maybe it was my imagination too, they could have been staring at my belly since it's gotten larger. Partly because I put on weight and partly because I herniated my abdoman after my first operation so it's a little more chunky than it should be. OK, I'm fat. Well I got off topic. I'm supposed to be bummed out. Well that's what 6 percocets in a day will do to ya I guess. I did just come back inside from swimming with Griffin. I had to close the pool for the night. I always cover it with the solar cover to keep the warmth in the pool. the air is about 67 and the water is 85 still. We saw the moon rising and plenty of stars. It's a very crisp night. We also both skinny dipped. It was Griffin's first time. It really is a wonderful feeling swimming naked. I doubt I'd ever go to a nudie beach but I have no problem with swimming that way in my own pool. So I started this post complaining and wound up naked in my pool. Not bad, I hope tomorrow is as good...
It was so difficult to get started with chemo after my April 24th surgery. I loved having 7 weeks off from it even if they did cut an 8 inch gash in my side. Vacation was kind of interesting in that regard. I got quite a few stares in the beach. At first I was thinking I would wear t-shirts on the beach to cover myself and not show my scars. When I got there I said fuck it and didn't cover them. The only thing more disgusting would have been if I wore a Speedo I think. Maybe it was my imagination too, they could have been staring at my belly since it's gotten larger. Partly because I put on weight and partly because I herniated my abdoman after my first operation so it's a little more chunky than it should be. OK, I'm fat. Well I got off topic. I'm supposed to be bummed out. Well that's what 6 percocets in a day will do to ya I guess. I did just come back inside from swimming with Griffin. I had to close the pool for the night. I always cover it with the solar cover to keep the warmth in the pool. the air is about 67 and the water is 85 still. We saw the moon rising and plenty of stars. It's a very crisp night. We also both skinny dipped. It was Griffin's first time. It really is a wonderful feeling swimming naked. I doubt I'd ever go to a nudie beach but I have no problem with swimming that way in my own pool. So I started this post complaining and wound up naked in my pool. Not bad, I hope tomorrow is as good...
3 comments:
Whoo-hoo naked in the pool!
Sorry about everything else Phil..
But just know that I am jealous of the naked in the pool business that I cant stand it!
I can feel the range of emotion in your note.
At least it ended on what seemed to be an upbeat place :)
And just what if people were staring at you because you're handsome??
=0)
A few years ago my husband and I skinny dipped with his brother and sister in law. We do it alot alone, but there was something sensual in doing it with them......fun stuff!
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